You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
