last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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