Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
