Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
