I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
