I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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