TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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