conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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