How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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