I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
