The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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