I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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