Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
