dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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