I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
