maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
