I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
