Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
