I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
