I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
