there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
