i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I did not marry a roomba.
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