Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
