I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
