she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
