I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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