Girls should come with a carfax report
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
