oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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