Michael Bay diarrhea
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
