1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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