Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
