My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
