I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My breasts were aching with rage.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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