well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Sober January is a disaster.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
