just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i now understand why vodka
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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