Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Michael Bay diarrhea
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
