I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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