Apparently you make a good broom.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
