my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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