Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
