my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
