The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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