You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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