She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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