she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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