There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
