Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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