Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I accidentally had phone sex last night
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
