I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
