We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
