my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
