thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
