your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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