i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
