you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
