She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how do flat chested girls get laid?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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